Guilty Of Fear
by SnakeXScandal
Summary: Pellie Fanfic, with many songs by Portishead accompained
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I do not own Degrassi, any of it's amazing characters, or the song "It could be sweet" by Portishead..oh yeah..and um..REVIEW!**

_If only she could keep running, the world passing by her in a blur, nothing ever being in focus for too long. That way, she wouldn't have to think about the fact that her mother was a drunk, and her father was in war, and maybe, just maybe, she could keep her world from falling down on her. Nothing was in focus, nothing was real. There was nothing binding her to the world, nothing keeping her grounded. She glanced down at her arms. For a moment, her view blurred, and everything stoped moving so fast. The one thing that kept her knowing that she was really here, was her arms. Each delicate white arm, finely structured, was covered in scars. _

Leaning back against a tree in the reclusive privacy behind Degrassi, Ellie let out a huge yawn, and let _Hamlet_ fall to her lap. She checked her watch, wincing slightly at how much time had gone by in the hours since school had ended.But it was such a beautiful day, and there was no better way to ruin it then by going home, where her mother was probably passed out on the couch, curtains drawn, hiding any trace of sunlight the day might have. She sighed and shook her head. _Mom can wait_, she thought defiantly, picking up her book once more, and settleing back in to the tree. Ellie began to read, but was soon disrupted by the sound of a muffled sob. It sounded like it was near her, and she looked around wildly. She leaned around the tree, craning her neck to see if someone was lying in the soft patch of grass behind her. To her surprise, someone was. It was Paige Michealchuk.

"Paige?" Ellie asked disbelivingly. Her voice still held a bit of the edge it normally did when talking to anyone in the school, except for Marco. Paige was lying on her stomach with her arms cradling her head. At the sound of her name she looked up. Ellie was shocked. No one would recognize the Queen of Glam now. Her mascara was running down her face, and sumdges of pink lipstick were everywhere, except on her lips. Ellie slowly got up and walked softly up to Paige. Crouching down next to her, Ellie looked in her eyes for a moment, as if she was deciding how to act towards her. She made up her mind to be nice and and sat down, and placed a tentative hand on her back.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ellie asked softly, rubbing Paige's back.

Paige gave a deep shuddering sigh, and sat up, leaning on her elbows. "No. Tough few days, ya know?"

Ellie nodded, surprised at the lack of bubble and giggle that usually followed everything Paige said. She had known that Spinner and Paige had broken up, after she had destroyed his car, but she didn't think that Paige would be that affected by it.

"Is it..Spinner?" She said carefully, watching for her reacation.

Paige shook her head slowly. "It's not about him. It's about me. I think there is something wrong with me."

Ellie snorted, then clamped her hand over her mouth when she realized that Paige was staring at her, looking pissed off.

"I know, I know" Paige began "How could Paige have anything go wrong with her and her perfect life? She's beautiful, and she's got a great sense of fashion. Nothing is wrong-" She lost the slight edge her voice had as her voice cracked. She started sobbing again, and Ellie felt a prickle of worry creep up her back. Something was really wrong with her. She began rubbing her back again, and let Paige collapse in to her lap, crying hysterically. "Shhh...Paige.. it's okay. You can tell me. I promise I won't broadcast it on the news or anything."

Paige looked up at Ellie from her view on her lap. For once she felt like she could trust her, and she ran with it. She took a deep breath.

"Ellie, I think I'm a lesbian."

For a second no one said anything. Ellie was staring down at Paige, and she, was looking away, trying to get away from Ellie's unwavering gaze. Paige sat up, slowly, and began to gather her things, mumbling excuses for leaving. She was just about to stand up when Ellie's ragged voice spoke up from behind her. "Paige...wait."

Paige was convinced this was just an opportunity to be laughed at, or for Ellie to make some smart remark. She put her hands on her hips, not willing to give up with out a fight. "You know Ellie, I-"

Ellie silenced her, midsentance, with a kiss.

_I don't want to hurt you_

_No reason, but I have fear_

_And I ain't gulity of crimes they accused me of_

_But I'm guilty of fear_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I think the way I'll write this is, if I get a review I'll write more. So thank you Medicated and Dedicated for reviewing. As for the M rating, you'll see ;)**

**Yet again, Canada owns Degrassi, and Portishead owns "Give Me a Reason"**

**Oh yeah, I changed the point of view. I think first person is better.**

Paige pulled back slowly from my kiss, her eyes wide open and shocked. "What was that?" She asked breathily.

_I'm so tired of playing_

_playing with this bow and arrow_

_gonna give my heart away_

_leave it to the other girls to play_

_for I've been a temptress too long_

My red hair had fallen in to my hazel eyes, and I brushed it quickly, impatiently out of my eyes. "That was...me." I began, slowly and carefully. "I...I've had a bit of a crush on you for a while, and I..I..uh knew how happy you were with Spinner, and I didn't want to ruin that, and then after you...broke up..I.."

_Hmm..just_

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reson to be _

_A woman_

_I just want to be a woman._

Paige ran her perfectly manicured hands through my hair. I winced slightly, because I couldn't remember the last time I washed it and I didn't want her touching my nasty hair. But she didn't seem to mind, and smiled softly at me, her blue eyes lighting up as she looked at me. I felt like she was feasting on my face, my eyes, my skin, my hair. "I understand, " she said pulling me close to her. My body felt like it had been coated with ice that burned, as I rested my head on her shoulder, deeply breathing in the vanilla and cinnamon that she smelled like.

_From this time unchained_

_We're all looking at a different picture_

_Though this new frame of mind_

_A thousand flowers could bloom_

_Move over and give us some room_

She pulled back and looked at me again, in such a way that I never wanted her to stop. She laid back down in the grass and tugged my hand. "Come on Ellie" She whispered, smiling slightly at me. "Talk to me"

I laid down next to her, my army boots clunking in the soft grass. She setteled into me, her warm breath tickling my neck. "Tell me something you've never told anyone before"

I rolled over, my hazel eyes searching her sky-blue ones. "I can't think of any good ones"

Paige sighed and poked me in the side. "Who cares tell me something, anything!

I laughed a little and rolled on my back again. "Umm.. I'm scared of the dark." I threw out, laughing at how dumb it sounded. She clung closer to my arm and squealed. "Awww! That's soo cute!"

I winced slightly as her squeal went from delighted little girl to a noise only dogs can hear, or should be able to hear. "Jesus." I muttered, wiggling away from her.

_Yeah _

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reason to be a woman_

_I just want to be a woman_

Paige giggled and pounced on top of me, pinning me to the soft grass. "Hey,where do you think you are going?" she whispered huskily, leaning down just a few centimeters from my lips. I gathered my courage and tilted my head up, making that small space disapear. She kissed me back this time, her breath tasting like mint and vanilla. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the kiss. Paige collapsed on top of me, her hands in my hair, her lips making their way down my neck, sucking on the tender skin. I moaned,and bit my lip at the feeling of her kisses traveling lower and lower.

_So don't you stop being a man_

_Just take a look from our side when you can_

_Show a little tenderness _

_No matter if you cry_

I leaned over and nibbled gently on her earlobe, my hands wandering up to the hem of her shirt. Paige moaned urgently in to my ear, which I took as I sign to continue. I reached up and up, my hands gliding on the creamy softness of her stomach, until I reached her lacy bra. My other hand snaked around the back, unsnapping her bra with one simple motion. "Nice trick," She laughed in my ear. I was about to answer her, but my hand found her nipple and tweaked it softly, and hearing her moan like that set me over the edge. I worked her breasts with one hand, as the other finagled with her jeans.

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reason to be a woman_

_All I want to be is all woman._

Her hand came up to play with my hair, and I caught a glimpse of her watch, the numbers glowing in the coming twilight. "Shit" I swore against her lips. Paige sat up, half dressed and looking completely irrisitible. "My mom" I mumbled, sitting up, and attemping to straighten my shirt and skirt. " I have to go," I said standing and grabbing my books.

_For this is the beginning of forever and ever_

_It's time to move over_

_So I want to be _

"Meet me here tomrrow afterschool?" She asked, grabbing my hand. I nodded, hurrying and tripping over my untied laces.

"Promise?"

I turned around and kissed her, hard.

"Promise."

_I'm so tired of playing_

_Playing with this bow and arrow_

_Gonna give my heart away_

_Leave it to the other girls to play_

_For I've been a temptress too long_


End file.
